Two weeks ago (http://www.normfriedman.com/blog/the-whisker-metaphor/), I introduced a cat’s whiskers as another metaphor for the warning system each of us should continually be expanding to refine our writing. This time, instead of focusing on correctness, let’s concentrate on conciseness.
As you work on shortening the following sentences, you’ll find inefficiencies that crop up often.
Writing long
1. Due to the fact that the new budget isn’t ready, we’ll refer to last year’s budget.
2. This calendar is being provided in an effort to reduce scheduling conflicts.
3. Let’s send out the draft today in order to get everyone’s input by Friday.
4. We are distributing a questionnaire for the purpose of assessing volunteer satisfaction.
5. I’d like to see you in regard to your new recycling initiative.
Writing economically
- Due to the fact that the new budget isn’t ready, we’ll refer to last year’s budget. Watch out for the fat phrase “due to the fact that.” Use “because” (one word instead of five). Also note that the repetition of a word (“budget”) should grab our attention. Here, you could end with just “last year’s”: Because the new budget isn’t ready, we’ll refer to last year’s.
- This calendar is being provided in an effort to reduce scheduling conflicts. “In an effort to” should go on your hit list because it’s a roundabout way of saying “to.” But we can do even better than deleting “in an effort” because words like “provide,” “providing,” and “provision” can often be eliminated: This calendar should reduce scheduling conflicts.
- Let’s send out the draft today in order to get everyone’s input by Friday. “In order to” is widely accepted, but it’s fat. All we need is “to.” Also, “send” doesn’t need “out,” so we wind up with the following: Let’s send the draft today to get everyone’s input by Friday.
- We are distributing a questionnaire for the purpose of assessing volunteer satisfaction. “To” can displace “for the purpose of,” and then we can change “of assessing” to “assess”: We are distributing a questionnaire to assess volunteer satisfaction.
- I’d like to see you in regard to your new recycling initiative. “In regard to” can be shortened to “regarding” or “about.” Now what about “new recycling initiative”? The word “initiative” gets a lot of play, and sometimes we mean that something truly is a first, making “new” redundant, but other times “initiative” is just a fancier way of saying “project” or “objective,” in which case “new” makes some sense. Because we are working on discipline here, let’s pretend the initiative really is groundbreaking: I’d like to see you about your recycling initiative.
Postscript
In school we were often rewarded for writing more because teachers wanted to measure factors like our depth of understanding. In the workplace we earn points with brevity.
In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm Friedman is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.