As promised last week, here are a few more quiz questions from 2015. First, correct errors or redundancies in these two sentences.
1. If you’re wondering where my Dad is, Uncle Al saw him hop in the hotel bar.
2. Stella served as committee chair for a period of time and then joined the professional staff.
The answers
1. If you’re wondering where my Dad is, Uncle Al saw him hop in the hotel bar. A) “Dad” shouldn’t get an initial cap here because of the word “my.” That makes “dad” a regular noun like “parent.” Without the “my,” “Dad” would be correct because then it’s treated the same as a name. (I lent Dad my jacket.)
B) I think we’d better drag Dad home if he’s hopping in the bar. Or maybe he hopped into the hotel bar. Whew. (So we might walk in a mall for exercise, but when we walk into a mall, we are entering.)
2. Stella served as committee chair for a period of time and then joined the professional staff. Set an alarm on “period of time,” which might be the most common fat phrase we have. It’s as though “period of time” has become one word, but all we need is “period” or “time,” not both. (And steer clear of “point in time” too. All we need is “point.”)
The decoys were “chair” and “and.” Using “chair” (instead of “chairwoman” or “chairperson,” for example) is fine and often preferred, and “chair” should not get an initial cap here. (It would get a capital “C” directly before the name, such as in “Chair Stella Smith,” because that’s similar to writing “Dr. Stella Smith” or “Ms. Stella Smith.”) And we don’t want a comma before “and then joined” because the sentence doesn’t introduce a new subject. We’re still talking about Stella.
A quick redundancy quiz
Now try your hand at finding the unnecessary word in each of the following sentences.
1. He’s a renowned author, but he’ll always have a bad stigma hovering over him because of the plagiarism charge.
2. This is her first debut with the orchestra, but I expect her to perform like a pro.
3. Our reputation for quality, world-class care is unparalleled.
4. The team has been receiving a lot of great accolades since its long winning streak.
5. Once Thompson refused to answer any questions about the budget, that should have set off plenty of alarm bells.
6. My nephew has a very unique workout routine.
The answers
1. “Bad stigma” is redundant. Delete “bad.”
2. Delete “first” in “first debut.”
3. “World-class care” sounds pretty good to me. Is “quality, world-class care” better? Strike “quality.”
4. Strike “great” in “great accolades.”
5. “Bells” is superfluous in “alarm bells.” All we need is “alarms.”
6. “Unique” means one of a kind. “Very one of a kind” doesn’t make sense, and neither does “very unique.” Strike “very.”
In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.