The Soul of Wit

Posted on April 4, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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Although emulating Shakespeare may be aiming a bit high in our day-to-day emails, we can enhance our writing by committing to a venerated line from Hamlet: “Brevity is the soul of wit.” When we edit our work, often the fun part is spotting a needless word or fat phrase and trimming it. Try your hand at these.

1. The score is tied at 93 to 93 with just 28 seconds left to go.

2. Driving at a high rate of speed can lead to a ticket, or worse.

3. My nephew inadvertently coined a new word our whole family now uses: “flustrated.”

4. My niece lives in one of the loveliest neighborhoods in the Greater Cleveland area.

5. Sam’s past experience with youth leagues was absolutely essential to our success.

6. I wish we could rewind back to last week’s meeting when it seemed we were nearing a consensus of opinion.

Answers

1. No need to write “93 to 93” if we just established the score is tied. All we need is “tied at 93.” And sportscasters often utter the redundant phrase “left to go.” All they need to tell us is “28 seconds left” or “28 seconds to go.”

2. A “high rate of speed” can be shortened to “high speed.” And there’s nothing wrong with just “fast.”

3. When we coin something, it’s new. So “coined a new word” can become “coined a word.”

4. Instead of “Greater Cleveland area,” how about just “Greater Cleveland” or “Cleveland area”?

5. We’ve probably all stumbled on “past experience” when one of those two words will suffice. (Here, “experience” is better.) And “absolutely essential” is overkill. “Essential” makes the point without any help.

6. Watch out for the superfluous “back” with words like “reflect” and “revert.” Here, “rewind back” is redundant. And a “consensus” exists when opinions agree, so all we need is “we were nearing a consensus.” (We might even cut “it seemed” if all would concur that at the prior meeting we were close to unanimity.)

Last week, we discussed how much our readers appreciate a natural, friendly tone. We also win points when we take the care to write concisely.

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.  

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Striking the Right Tone

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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If we write an A+ email – glittering with pithy content, impeccable grammar, and masterful brevity – but the tone is stuffy or condescending or brusque or flippant, the reader will consider our message a D-. Rather than reacting with gratitude and admiration, the reader might even vow to correspond with us less often.

Texts vs. textbooks

So what is the “right tone” for our work emails, letters, reports, and other documents? Is it the informality and breeziness of text messages or the formal style of textbooks? The ideal, of course, is that broad sweet spot in between.

Granted, if we’re emailing our best pal at work about lunch plans, we can probably afford to use text lingo and hit “send” without proofing, but that might be the only time all day we take that license. And if we’re writing a document that could have legal ramifications, such as an incident report, the objectivity and language of our schoolbooks – minus all the five-dollar words – should be fitting. But most of the time we don’t want either extreme. We want to watch out for “Hey, guys” and for “Herewith find enclosed.”

(In fact, what we write when we have an enclosure or attachment is instructive. Many of us go on autopilot at the end of a letter or email and write “Enclosed please find …” or “Attached please find….” But is that the way we talk? Instead, why not use “I am enclosing …” or “I have attached …”? That gives us the dual benefit of sounding more natural and, with the word “I,” reminding the reader of our relationship.)

So should we write the way we talk?

My answer is yes, with a few qualifiers. In the majority of workplace communications, our readers want to feel our personality and friendliness. Emulating the way we talk means our writing will seem natural and lively while forging more of a connection.

But by several measures our workplace writing (enhanced by our editing) should eclipse the way we talk. It should be marked by the following:
• Solid organization
• Precise and dynamic language
• Brevity
• A minimum of errors
• Oh, yeah … and a carefully constructed tone

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml. 

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Split Infinitives

Posted on March 21, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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A grammar concept we might have happily forgotten since our school days (or maybe right after the test) is the split infinitive. So what is it, and do we need to care? Here’s my take.

An infinitive is the “to” form of a verb (“to ask,” “to advocate”), so “splitting an infinitive” is putting a word between to and the verb that goes with it (to boldly go, to happily forget). Playing strictly by the rules, we’re supposed to avoid splitting an infinitive – but I believe most readers will not notice or object to our taking this liberty. So this is an admonition from our school days we can largely dismiss in workplace writing.

But when we are writing a more formal document and trying to be on our best behavior or writing someone who might get distracted by this minor infraction, we can usually obey the rule by just rearranging the words.

Split infinitive: I want to temporarily halt this discussion.
The repair job: I want to halt this discussion temporarily. 

Notice, however, that on occasion rearranging isn’t the solution.

To truly understand your idea, I need more background. Where else can “truly” go and sound natural? Here we need to let the split infinitive stand or reinvent the sentence. Changing “truly” to “completely” is one way: To understand your idea completely, I need more background.

Splitting a verb phrase: Permission granted

On the other hand, note that splitting a verb phrase, like “should (immediately) recover,” “is (madly) shoveling,” or “may (reluctantly) attend,” has no prohibition. In fact, putting an adverb inside a verb phrase often delivers maximum impact:

I hope I have quickly answered your questions about splitting infinitives and verb phrases.  

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml. 

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Hyphen Errors

Posted on March 14, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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Branding is everything these days, and the hyphen just hasn’t kept up. In fact, its identity is so weak, it is often mistakenly called a dash. Let’s review the key points we should know about this poorly understood punctuation mark.

One nearly extinct use

For openers, let’s remind ourselves that not so long ago we were hitting the hyphen key a lot more often because we were composing messages on typewriters, and we used a hyphen when a word didn’t fit at the end of the line. If we didn’t have room for all of neighborhood, we typed neigh- or neighbor- at the end of the line and finished the word on the next line. In the digital age, our software saves us the trouble by just dropping the entire word down.

Of course, we might still use a hyphen the old-fashioned way in a handwritten note, but many of us rarely write those anymore.

So when do we most need hyphens?

We need hyphens principally in a word like old-fashioned and when we are fusing words, as in cost-saving measures, parent-child issue, or one-of-a-kind project. Omitting them can momentarily distract the discriminating reader who catches the error – or do more damage if clarity is obscured. Here are two examples:

At our meeting we discussed an intriguing problem solving idea proposed by Emma. We understand this sentence, but we might have needed to read it twice. At the seventh word we thought the sentence was about a problem, but then we immediately saw the meaning was almost the opposite. It was about a problem-solving idea.

We couldn’t stop talking about the high flying acrobat. Hmm. Sounds as if the daring acrobat was on something. The more likely topic of discussion, however, was a high-flying acrobat.

Other hyphen errors

Obscuring clarity is the most crucial ramification of a misplaced or omitted hyphen, but we should work toward more assuredness in other fine points of handling hyphens effectively:

Q. Do we hyphenate a phrase like well known?
A. It all depends. When a potentially hyphenated phrase appears before the thing it is modifying, the answer is yes. When it comes after, we do not use a hyphen.
Professor Gordon is a well-known authority on protest movements.
Professor Gordon’s knowledge of protest movements is well known.
Q. So does a phrase like third grade get hyphenated when it describes the word that follows?
A. Yes.
Eric has been a third-grade teacher since 2010.
Q. What about when the first word in the potentially hyphenated phrase is an adverb ending in “-ly”?
A. Then we do not hyphenate.
This is a poorly understood concept.

Why it’s impossible to bat 1.000

We would be hard-pressed to hyphenate correctly in every document for two chief reasons:

1. Only a few generations ago, good-bye and co-operate were correct spellings, but those hyphens have disappeared. That’s an evolutionary process, however, so we aren’t all on the same page at any given moment. Some of us prefer e-mail; others, email. Who’s right?

2. Hyphens are tricky and require focus. Sometimes we want follow-up, and sometimes the hyphen is wrong:
Did you make those follow-up calls yet?
Please follow up with Liz to make sure she got the agenda.

The best we can do is continually improve at identifying those tricky situations – especially the ones where getting the hyphen right ensures clarity.

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml. 

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Setting Alarms

Posted on March 7, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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As we grow more proficient in any pursuit – be it bowling, baking, or barbecuing – we are continually setting new alarms to avoid problems. This is particularly true in writing and editing. Once we realize we’re prone to mistakenly writing l-e-a-d when we mean l-e-d, we tag that duo in the hope that an internal alarm will always remind us to get the lead out. So proofing our work gets increasingly easier as our alarm system expands.

Look for errors or weaknesses in the following sentences and consider whether you have a wake-up call set on any of these issues.

Don’t worry about staying late today, I found someone that can help me setup for tomorrow’s breakfast meeting.

A) We need a semicolon or period instead of a comma because each segment is a complete sentence – and we have no conjunction like and to join them. (This common error is called a comma fault or comma splice.) B) We should have two alarms set on the word that: one because its preferable to use who or whom if we are referring to a person, and two because the word that can often be deleted. Here, we want to make it who can help me. C) We need to watch out for words like setup and callback. Sometimes they are correct as one word, but sometimes, as here, we want two words: set up.

I liked Tom’s talk on “How to be a Team Player”, but he distracted me both times he said “irregardless”.

A) We have to remember that many short words in titles are lowercase because they are prepositions (like of), articles (like the), or conjunctions (like and). But more significant words, such as nouns and verbs, get an initial cap even if they are just two letters long. Be is a verb, so it’s wrong in lowercase. B) And we should set a loud alarm on the common error of putting a comma or period outside quotation marks. Some punctuation marks, such as question marks and exclamation points, can go inside or outside, but periods and commas always go inside. So that alarm would have alerted us to two errors in the sentence.

My parent’s anniversary party was wonderful (thanks to months of planning by my sister and members of my family.

A) Make sure you have an alarm set on apostrophes, where errors are rife. Here, we obviously are speaking of both parents, so the apostrophe goes after the s (parents’). B) Our sister is part of our family, so we need my sister and other members of my family. C) And a really easy alarm to set is the one for parentheses. When we proof our work and come to the beginning of a parenthetical section, we should skip ahead to see if the closing parenthesis is there (and if it is placed correctly next to any punctuation). Here, we need a closing parenthesis after family, and it comes before the period because it is enclosing a section of a sentence, not an entire sentence. So the ending would be (thanks to months of planning by my sister and other members of my family).

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml. 

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“I” Contact

Posted on February 29, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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In elementary school many of us learned we were starting too many sentences with “I,” and we corrected that. But in the working world, where forging relationships with clients, colleagues, vendors, and others is so critical to success, many of us have discovered that liberal use of the personal pronouns “you,” “we,” and, yes, “I” is smart. Our writing should be professional and friendly.

So should we still keep in mind our schoolteachers’ wisdom about the overuse of “I”? Sure. Everything in moderation, right? Here, then, is a brief exercise designed to help you convey that “it’s not all about me.” Aim for one “I” per sentence instead of two.

I am following up on the email I sent you recently regarding your ability to meet with our team in late March.

Substituting “my” often does the trick while slightly shortening the number of words: I am following up on my recent email regarding your ability to meet with our team in late March.

I have known Sid for many years, and I can certainly vouch for his work ethic and integrity.

Starting with a participle (-ing word) is useful. Here, two versions come quickly to mind: Having known Sid for many years, I can certainly vouch for his work ethic and integrity. OR Knowing Sid for many years, I can certainly vouch for his work ethic and integrity.

After I completed the draft proposal, I ran it by Kim and Tony.

Here’s the participle to the rescue again, but not as the opening word: After completing the draft proposal, I ran it by Kim and Tony.

I can interview our candidate at 10 on Thursday, or I can meet her anytime Friday afternoon.

And probably the most basic fix is eliminating words that are repetitious anyway: I can interview our candidate at 10 on Thursday or anytime Friday afternoon.

A great use of “I”

Although we might want to guard against using “I” repeatedly in a message, one place I like using it is next to “hope.” Note the difference in impact:

Hopefully, you’ll feel a lot better next week.
I hope you’ll feel a lot better next week.

Even though just who is doing the hoping is ambiguous in the first example, many experts do not mind this construction. I do, however, because if I’m hoping something for an individual I want the person to feel the personal connection.

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.

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Eye on the Arts

Posted on February 22, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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With the Academy Awards ceremony set for Sunday, let’s continue our refinement of newspaper excerpts with a look at two arts pieces – a movie review and book review. Each excerpt was chosen, in part, because it’s unwieldy, but I don’t want to wear you out by asking you to do a rewrite. Just focus on identifying errors or other problems.

Our guide into the merry mayhem is Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin) an all-around fixer for Capitol Pictures (which Coen fans will recognize as the studio in their existential Hollywood comedy, “Barton Fink.”)

We have a blur of elements in this sentence, complicated by two sets of parentheses, and a tiny error at the end. Let’s take the refinements in stages:
A) To enhance clarity, we’ll put “fixer” next to the character, Mannix, not the actor, Brolin.
B) By rewording to “Josh Brolin as Eddie Mannix, an all-around fixer,” we’ve eliminated the first set of parentheses.
C) Let’s help the reader by turning one rambling sentence into two that are more coherent. We’ll put a period after “Capitol Pictures.”
D) We can help the reader again by eliminating “their,” which takes a moment to decipher because it’s closer to “fans” than “Coen,” but “their” refers to the Coen brothers.
E) By starting a new sentence in the middle, we also correct the punctuation error at the end. A period goes inside a parenthesis only when the parenthetical statement is a complete sentence (beginning with a capital letter).

We wind up with this: Our guide into the merry mayhem is Josh Brolin as Eddie Mannix, an all-around fixer for Capitol Pictures. (Coen fans will recognize Capitol as the brothers’ studio in their existential Hollywood comedy, “Barton Fink.”)

The easier, second sentence

The book is a delicious mix of well-researched facts, creative plot twists and a likable main character who deftly walks the line between someone who you can relate to as she helps her daughter search through dirty laundry for a team jersey and someone whose mind is a mystery even to herself.

A) Again, let’s reduce the reader’s misery by making this two sentences. We’ll put a period after “main character” and start the next sentence with “She.”
B) Note two problems with “who” in “who you can relate to.” One is that it should be “whom” (object of the preposition “to”). But we don’t even have to deal with the taxing “who” vs. “whom” issue because we can just delete “who.” It isn’t needed.

Our new and improved version: The book is a delicious mix of well-researched facts, creative plot twists and a likable main character. She deftly walks the line between someone you can relate to as she helps her daughter search through dirty laundry for a team jersey and someone whose mind is a mystery even to herself.

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.  

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In the News III

Posted on February 15, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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Continuing our February theme, this week’s post again gives you an opportunity to play copy editor. Examine the following three excerpts from recent newspaper articles and consider what you might change.

1. While many Clevelanders were excited about and pleased with the vote, others were hesitant to celebrate the vote as a victory and wary about challenges that lay ahead.

2. Upon arriving at the boarder your driver will walk you across to Tijuana where you’ll board a local bus for a 10 minutes ride to the Avenida Revolucion.

3. (A headline) Gophers’ Banham ties womens’ record with 60 points 

1. While many Clevelanders were excited about and pleased with the vote, others were hesitant to celebrate the vote as a victory and wary about challenges that lay ahead.

A) Some writers are comfortable with phrasing that requires two prepositions, like “excited about and pleased with.” I’m not because I find the wording labored and often unnecessary. Here, for example, what is so different about “excited” and “pleased”? Why not use just one? (And because “excited” and “exciting” tend to be overused, I’d opt for “pleased.”)

B) Did you catch the error that might not be considered an error in a generation or two? With so many speakers and writers using “lay” for “lie,” the rule seems to be weakening, but newspapers shouldn’t make the error, and neither should those of us who pride ourselves on correctness.

So remember: “Lay” takes a direct object, as when a chicken lays an egg or you lay your keys on the counter. That’s not the case here, so we want “challenges that lie ahead.”

2. Upon arriving at the boarder your driver will walk you across to Tijuana where you’ll board a local bus for a 10 minutes ride to the Avenida Revolucion.

A) This one’s funny, right? “Board” is correct but not “boarder.” The writer meant “border.”

B) I think the word after “Upon arriving at the border” should be “you.” Yes, you and your driver will arrive there together, but this isn’t about the driver; it’s about the traveler: you.

C) This sentence needs at least one comma, after Tijuana, and probably one after “border,” but we can eliminate the need after “Tijuana” by substituting the more economical “to board” for “where you’ll board.”

D) “A 10 minutes ride” is passable, but the usual phrasing is “a 10-minute ride.”

This, then, could be the edited version: Upon arriving at the border, you and your driver will walk across it to Tijuana to board a local bus for a 10-minute ride to the Avenida Revolucion.

3. Gophers’ Banham ties womens’ record with 60 points

Yes, we are supposed to place the apostrophe after the “s” to show possession in “Gophers’,” but we don’t make “woman” plural by a adding an “s.” We change it to “women.” So without an “s” we make “women” possessive the same way we treat a singular possessive word: by putting the apostrophe inside the “s.” Therefore, when Rachel Banham scored 60 points for Minnesota against Northwestern, she tied the NCAA Division I women’s record.

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml. 

Posted in Common Grammar Errors, Common Punctuation Errors, Commonly Confused Words, Flair & Finesse | Leave a comment

In the News II

Posted on February 8, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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Try your hand at catching errors or making other refinements in these recent news stories.

1. Gov. John Kasich has spent 130 days of the last 10 months on the road outside of Ohio as he campaigns for president.

2. With the Pelicans (18-32) hovering around, Irving and James made the right amount of plays in the final quarter to extend the Cavaliers’ lead to 12 midway through.

3. Prior, he had missed his last 18 3-pointers.

4. Beth and Barb’s mutual love of wellness activities sparked their decision to start their own health program for women their age.

The answers

1. Gov. John Kasich has spent 130 days of the last 10 months on the road outside of Ohio as he campaigns for president.
Regular readers will note one of my pet peeves: using “of” when it’s superfluous. So we want “outside Ohio,” not “outside of Ohio.” Another refinement I’d make is not presenting related stats in two ways (“130 days of the last 10 months”). Why not just simplify with “130 of the past 300 days”?

2. With the Pelicans (18-32) hovering around, Irving and James made the right amount of plays in the final quarter to extend the Cavaliers’ lead to 12 midway through.
“Hovering” is a fresh verb for the sports pages, but do we need “around”? Isn’t that implied in “hovering”? And then we have “amount of plays” when we want “number of plays.” (Whenever we can count items, we want “number.” So it’s “number of eggs” but “amount of milk.”)

Two other comments:
A) Even corrected, “made the right number of plays” is awkward and vague. What is the right number? And what kind of plays? Unselfish plays? Defensive plays?
B) Using the preposition “through” at the end might seem like an error, but we are allowed to end sentences with prepositions, and here that works because we know the writer is referring to the final quarter.

3. Prior, he had missed his last 18 3-pointers.
Two points about “prior,” an adjective:
A) It is frowned upon by many experts if “before” will do the job. So for those of us into plain English, “before the party” is the choice over “prior to the party,” and “prior” gets trotted out only as an adjective (e.g., “prior project” or “prior engagement”).
B) Here, “prior” is dead wrong because it’s standing alone to introduce the rest of the sentence. An adverb like “previously” would be correct and not distract the reader.

4. Beth and Barb’s mutual love of wellness activities sparked their decision to start a health program for women their age.
This is how a TV feature started, and the first five words, I thought, were introducing a story about a same-sex couple. Maybe they recently got married? But no. It was a story about a business founded by two friends. The problem was the misuse of “mutual.” A mutual love is reciprocal. But if you and I both love chocolate or snorkeling, we have a shared or common love.

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.

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In the News

Posted on February 1, 2016 by Norm Friedman

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We all make errors when we write – even the pros who report the news. Play copy editor and decide how you’d refine these passages from the past week.

1. The middle-of-the-road shopper, neither low-end nor high-end, who in recent years has become elusive for shopping malls – is the reason why Macy’s, Sears and JCPenney are shutting stores.

2. Both candidates have offices right down the street from each other.

3. So Lue’s answer to this problem is for Irving and Love to care more? His plan is most assuredly more deeper and nuanced than that.

Refinements

1. The middle-of-the-road shopper, neither low-end nor high-end, who in recent years has become elusive for shopping malls – is the reason why Macy’s, Sears and JCPenney are shutting stores.

The easy improvement here – especially if your antennae have been sharpened by previous blog mentions of redundancies involving the words “reason,” “because,” and “why” – is deleting the superfluous “why” in “reason why.”

But also notice the perfect use of hyphens and a stumble on the en dash. En dashes (and em dashes) employed in this way come in pairs, unless the sentence ends where the second dash would appear. (Just as parentheses come in pairs.) So we need an en dash before “who” to set up the concluding en dash after “malls.” Now that section is set off correctly, creating smooth navigation for the reader: The middle-of-the-road shopper, neither low-end nor high-end – who in recent years has become elusive for shopping malls – is the reason Macy’s, Sears and JCPenney are shutting stores.

2. Both candidates have offices right down the street from each other.

So if my office is right down the street from yours, I guess yours is right down the street from mine. Duh. Therefore, starting the sentence with “Both” is needless. Simply writing “The candidates” is the way to go: The candidates have offices right down the street from each other.

3. So Lue’s answer to this problem is for Irving and Love to care more? His plan is most assuredly more deeper and nuanced than that.

The easy revision here, of course, is taking care of the clumsy “more deeper and nuanced.” Let’s make that “deeper and more nuanced.”

But again (picky, picky!) I have a second improvement in mind. Linking “answer” and “is for” doesn’t seem like the smoothest match. We can get rid of the questionable “for” by changing “to care” to “caring”: So Lue’s answer to this problem is Irving and Love caring more? His plan is most assuredly deeper and more nuanced than that.

In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.

Posted in Brevity, Common Grammar Errors, Common Punctuation Errors, Flair & Finesse | Leave a comment