Last week (http://www.normfriedman.com/blog/precision/), I suggested that when we write we might want the melody of “Tradition” from Fiddler on the Roof playing softly in the back of our heads as “Pre-ci-sion!” Let’s continue the discussion.
Many people have told me they are not strong writers because they write the way they talk. My reaction? I applaud. I say the tone of our writing should be somewhat conversational (less so in a formal report than in many of our emails, of course) because I believe readers want to feel that we are talking to them, not communicating in the style of a textbook.
But here’s the catch: While we want a fairly relaxed style to come across in our writing, we do not want to relax our standards on key aspects like correctness, brevity, and, yes, precision. So to write with greater precision, which words might you change in these sentences?
Bonus: Notice that in each case you can improve the imprecise word on two levels. You can use more sophisticated language, or you can convey more.
1. I attended the meeting only to hear Dr. Patterson’s speech, but it wasn’t that good.
2. The board agrees that Peter appears to be an ideal candidate, except for one thing: his erratic college grades.
3. I am sending you a link to an election article you should find interesting.
The culprits
1. I attended the meeting only to hear Dr. Patterson’s speech, but it wasn’t that good.
Saying the speech “wasn’t that good” isn’t overly informative, so we might want to pay more attention to two words we’ve used since we were toddlers: “good” and “bad.” Changing “wasn’t that good” to “was disappointing” or “was lackluster” is an improvement, but can we do better? How about writing that the speech had no central theme or nothing new or no sense of urgency? Now our reader starts to understand why the speech was disappointing.
2. The board agrees that Peter appears to be an ideal candidate, except for one thing: his erratic college grades.
“Thing,” a word we use a lot when we talk, can often be improved when we write. “Factor,” for instance, takes our writing up a notch, but in this sentence a word like “concern” or “drawback” starts to get to the heart of the matter. We could even use a figure of speech: The board agrees that Peter appears to be an ideal candidate, except for one red flag: his erratic college grades.
3. I am sending you a link to an election article you should find interesting.
Handy substitutes for the ubiquitous “interesting” are “fascinating” and “intriguing,” but neither explains why the article is worthwhile. Instead, saying the recipient ought to find the article “eye-opening” or “unusually balanced” expresses what we really want to say.
Many of us play music in the background while we work. When we edit, imagining “Precision!” playing for a moment helps get us in the right frame of mind to polish our writing.
In addition to presenting workshops on writing in the workplace, Norm Friedman is a writer, editor, and writing coach. His 100+ Instant Writing Tips is a brief “non-textbook” to help individuals overcome common writing errors and write with more finesse and impact. Learn more at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml.